I often hear from wives who are trying to formulate a plan to ensure that their husband is so remorseful and so desperate to get back into good hands and save the marriage after an affair, that he will never cheat again. To that end, many feel they should prolong a separation to allow her to see how she feels about being alone and create some doubt and fear about when she (or if she) can return home.
I recently heard from a wife who asked, in part, “How long should we stay apart after my husband’s infidelity and affair? I found out he cheated on me about three months ago and immediately kicked him out. I couldn’t bear to look at him or live with him.” him after I found out he betrayed me. About a month ago, he started begging for my forgiveness and asking me when I was going to let him move back home and end the breakup. I’m not sure if I want to do it yet. Honestly, I’m becoming more accepting him and saving our marriage. I miss him. But I want to make sure he’s okay and that he’s sorry for cheating on me. I figure if I make him wait to come home a little longer, he’ll appreciate me a lot more. How long do girls normally wait? wives before taking their husband’s back, allowing him to return home and ending the separation?
There really is no definitive answer to this question. Some wives use their own feelings and desires as a guide, some wives are swayed by their husbands’ desires and feelings, and others want to hang on as long as they can to make a definite and dramatic point. However, I will offer some considerations and tips for making this decision in the next article.
It’s usually not the best idea to allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you’re hesitant about (or not ready for) after your husband’s or your husband’s infidelity: Many wives in this situation are under great pressure from their husbands. He will tell you that he misses you and possibly the children. He will say that he wants to come home and often he will tell you that he has learned more than his lesson. He may tell you that the breakup is killing him and that he’s not sure he can take it another day.
And all of these things start to weaken your resolve and make you feel guilty that your decisions are affecting and possibly hurting someone else. But this is what you have to remember. You probably started this breakup to give yourself time to work out your feelings on your own. You may have wanted to organize things so that if you decide later that you want to save your marriage, you put yourself in the best position to do so.
What, if anything, has changed? I am not asking you this to discourage you from allowing your husband to come home. I ask this to give you perspective. If you want him to come home and end the breakup as badly as he does and you’re both willing to work really hard to start the healing process, then I don’t see the need to prolong things just to prove a point. But, if he has to make this decision because he feels relentless pressure despite his doubts, he may want to give himself permission to take his time. If her husband is sincere, she will wait.
Make sure you don’t make decisions that go against your own wishes or feelings just to test your husband or prove something: Having said the above, sometimes it is relatively clear that the wife in question misses her husband, does not want the separation anymore and would like her husband to come home, but feels that she needs to hold on a little longer. to test her husband or to prove a point.
She figures that the longer she can make him sweat and the more desperate she can make him come home, the better off she’ll be and the more he’ll invest in saving the marriage. While this is completely understandable, it sometimes backfires. The husband may lose patience or become resentful. And honestly, do you really want to start over in your marriage by playing around and being dishonest?
So when is the right time to end the separation and allow your husband to come home after an affair or cheating? There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. Most people have a feeling in their stomach or heart that tells them that the time may have come. I suggest listening to that voice as long as you know that: the other person is out of the picture; the deception has stopped; both are committed to repairing and saving the marriage; And not only are you both willing to do the work necessary to make these things happen, but you have a plan to make it happen.
If all of these things are not present, it is usually beneficial to wait until they are. But if she believes in her heart that her husband is repentant and ready to be rehabilitated and wants him home, then there’s probably no reason to play. But if any of these things are in question or you’re not sure, remember that this decision is yours alone.