In recent years there has been a lot of debate about whether a person should date before marriage or simply court the person they intend to marry.
According to Webster’s Dictionary, dating can be defined as an engagement to date another person socially, often out of romantic interest. Courtship, alternatively, can be defined as the courtship of a male to a female; seek a woman’s affections (usually in the hope of marrying) – Webster’s Dictionary. Or, in simpler terms, dating is perceived as a fun social outing, which could lead to marriage, and courtship is perceived as a social outing where both parties have marriage in mind from the start.
Activists in both camps make strong arguments as to the virtues of their particular point of view. Sometimes to the point where some singles don’t know what to do if they want to get into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Would I be perceived as unspiritual if I date someone? What happens if I go into courtship and it doesn’t work out because I don’t know them? What’s wrong with dating someone just to get to know them before committing to marriage? Is the courtship similar to an arranged marriage, since both parties do not necessarily know each other before the nuptials? These are some of the questions asked.
In this article I am not going to justify the position or actually discuss the pros and cons of any of the lobbyists, but I do want to suggest another dimension to having a meaningful relationship by going above the arguments and saying that singles should date with a pious purpose. .
Everything God does has a purpose; a specific end result He had in mind. For example, he gave Eve to Adam to complete him. Dr. Myles Munroe has said, “Where there is no purpose, abuse is inevitable.” Therefore, the argument follows; If a single person does not understand why he wants to have a godly relationship or does not understand what a relationship means, abuse is sure to occur. This could lead to hurt, disappointment, discouragement, bitterness, and pain. Relationships don’t have to lead to these negative outcomes. They can be positive if we relate to one another for a godly purpose. In other words, we must address relationships with the mind of Christ.
The following are seven ways to have a meaningful relationship.
1. UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF RELATIONSHIP
Many single Christians are getting into relationships that never really should have started because they didn’t know what it takes to be in a godly relationship.
The Bible says: And the Lord give you understanding in all things. 2 Timothy 2:7b. A solid foundation can only come when a true understanding of the meaning of the relationship forms its foundation. With such an understanding, a relationship not only becomes more meaningful, it is also more likely to last because it is based on God’s wisdom, principles, and understanding.
2. DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP
Before you start any relationship, ask yourself a few questions. For example, why do I want to get into this relationship? Where will it lead? Is God involved in my decision making? Did I hear from God or is my flesh speaking/motivating me?
Defining the relationship helps you determine your own personal expectations and will help shape those of the person you want to be in a relationship with. Once you know what you want, it’s best to communicate it to the person you want to be involved with to avoid unwarranted conflict later on.
3. PRAY THE RELATIONSHIP THROUGH
When you have to make minor and major decisions in life, it is very important that you approach them with the mind of Christ. The Word of God commands us not to lean on our own understanding, but to acknowledge God in all our ways, so that He makes our path straight. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; And do not rely on your own prudence. Proverbs 3:5
When we pray we are having an intimate relationship with God. It is in fellowship with Him that you can know His mind (God’s Word) on matters related to your life. Through prayer, in your connection with God, you will be able to choose appropriately, speak correctly, and behave in a godly manner. Intimacy with God in prayer will also help guide you through the complexity of relationships and allow you to relate to another person without stress.
4. KNOW YOURSELF
A relationship cannot be healthy if one of the parties in the relationship does not see themselves as separate, unique and complete. When this doesn’t happen in a relationship, one partner will begin to feel drained by the other, as they are relating to a very draining Person or a very needy Person. To avoid being the person who weighs down the person you want to have a meaningful relationship with, you need to know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. You simply need to know what motivates you. It is in understanding who you are as a child of God and as a human being that you can most effectively relate to another person.
5. KNOW THE PERSON WELL
Sometimes when couples interact, they interact superficially in an attempt to present a positive side of themselves. The fear of being open and vulnerable to another person causes some to play a superficial relationship sham until the time of marriage commitment.
Once the couple is married, their eyes ‘open’ and the rose-colored glasses are removed. They have to spend time and go the extra mile to resolve issues that could have been resolved before the marriage. Couples looking to have a meaningful relationship should not focus on the minor aspects, but instead focus on the fundamentals that will form the foundation of their marriage, for example, spiritual life, family relationships, approach to money, parenting , the vision of each one, etc. Success will come when they know and understand each other.
6. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE
Talking and listening are key tools for anyone who wants to have a meaningful relationship. If you can talk freely with another person, who is not going to use what you share with them negatively, that is a good indication that he will have a meaningful relationship with her.
When you speak you are able to share your heart. The person you are talking to, through the things you say, your thought processes, tone of voice, etc. he is able, if he listens with the ear of the Spirit, to ‘know’ the person you really are. Therefore, listening is just as important as speaking. If talking is the main focus and not listening as well, the relationship is in danger of being superficial. Listening allows you to get to hear what is really on another person’s mind. When both are done together, a couple has a better chance of their relationship surviving the storms of life.
7. DETERMINE NOT TO COMMIT
Sin caused the schism in the relationship between Adam and Eve. Before the fruit incident, Adam freely related to Eve. They were naked and unashamed. However, once the fruit was eaten, their relationship changed with each other and with God. The blame game began and they began to play hide and seek with God. Relationships today are still going through the same experience once they go from relating God’s way to introducing sin into their relationship, eg sleeping together, fondling a lot, etc. thus compromising his position in Christ.
Once a couple decides not to compromise in their relationship despite temptations, social pressures, and personal emotions, they will succeed through Christ in all areas of their relationship.
Finally, while all of the above is important, God must be the central focus for any couple desiring a meaningful relationship. God-centered relationships can never fail. When a couple focuses on God as the binding force in their relationship, they will have confidence that their relationship cannot be broken. God will bring about a meaningful relationship because all matters of life can be found in his Word. Solutions can be obtained, healing and childbirth can also be achieved.
Therefore, be confident in your faith in God. As you trust and depend on Him, you will have meaningful godly relationships.