It is no secret that the future groom is generally not interested in wedding planning. Trying to decide if you want burgundy or maroon napkins is tedious work and bombarding your boyfriend with questions will get you nowhere. However, it is also your day and there are many decisions that you can help him with. For instance:

• Food tasting. They say that the fastest way to reach a man’s heart is through his stomach. It’s a great way to spend an afternoon together and a planning area that will likely keep you interested.
• Tuxedo shopping. I know that shopping for clothes is usually at the bottom of the list of cool things for a man to do, but don’t just pick something and force him to wear it. Tuxedos come in many styles, so they should reflect your personal taste. Make it a boys’ night with your groomsmen. Balance the formal congestion with pizza, beer, and a soccer game and let them plan the bachelor party.
• Make arrangements for the honeymoon. This was the only thing my husband insisted on planning. Put him in charge of everything from transportation for the wedding night to hotel arrangements. If you’re a procrastinator, an occasional health check will help you stay on track.
• Gifts for groomsmen. He knows his closest guys better than anyone, so it makes sense for him to buy their presents from them. It’s a thank you gift for being with him on this important occasion, so it should mean something to both of you. And don’t laugh at him for buying your godfather a custom ukulele, if it came from the heart, that’s all that matters. Who knows, maybe he’ll move to Hawaii.
• Designing the groom’s cake. The groom’s cake is supposed to reflect his personal style and taste. Take the cake test with you and he can choose his favorite from the lineup too. Talk to the bakery about special shapes or other personal touches that will help him design a cake just for him.

There are also things to remember.

• Don’t scold. Scolding automatically turns off your ears. If he is not interested, he will not give you a valuable opinion, he will only tell you something so that you can watch the game again.
• Pick your battles. Sometimes it’s just not worth fighting for. You are planning the event that tells the world that you are both in love, so don’t argue over the little things. Before you even start planning your wedding, discuss your expectations with each other. Then, if arguments still arise, learn the biggest secret of marriage: commitment.
• Quality time. Spend time with your man where you don’t talk about the wedding. Remind her that you are still the smart, funny, and interesting woman she fell in love with.
• Value their opinion. Don’t go with garnet when he said burgundy. They are less likely to give you their honest opinion in the future if they feel like you’re not actually going to take their advice. Incorporating your ideas and decisions will help you feel more connected to the event.

Give and take, that’s what marriage is all about.