Have you ever wondered what people think of you? Do they see you as the person you want to be seen as?

Many of us would love to know what people think of us. We have this image of ourselves and we want people to match that same vision. Many of us attribute values ​​and adjectives to our personality. We may think that we are good people, loyal or friendly. The reality is that there is no way to know what people think of us. What we know is who we are and what we want to be. As individuals we create these two domains, the “real me” (who we are) and the “ideal me“(what we want to be).

WHO I AM?

The real me is everything we have become. All our actions and beliefs are within the real domain of the self. This is how people see you and how they perceive you. The ideal self is what we aspire to become. This domain is intimate and is not seen by others. For example, your ideal self wants to be a good person, so it behaves by doing things that are aligned with that vision. Such behaviors may include helping others or donating property. The point is that you are acting in a way that you want to be seen. Your ideal self (being good) is congruent with your real self (acting like a good person). These two domains overlap; brings you pleasure and peace of mind.

Conversely, if your ideal self is to be a nice person but shoplift, then the two domains are incongruent. The contradiction between being good and stealing (which is related to being bad) creates a level of mental stress or anxiety. This contradiction between the way you think and the way you act is called Cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that we have a tendency to align our attitudes or beliefs between our real selves and our ideal selves.

CLASSIC STUDIO

In a classic psychology experiment, Leon Festinger asks his subjects to perform a very boring task. The task was intended to generate negative feelings about completing the task because it was so boring. After the task, subjects were offered money to persuade other people to complete the task. Some people were offered $1 per referral and others were offered $20. After the referrals, Festinger asked people to rate the initial assignment (the boring one). Who do you think rated the task more positively, the $1 group or the $20 group?

The $1 group rated the boring task more positively than the $20 group. Why do you ask? Well, the people in the $1 group had two conflicting beliefs. They referred people telling them that the task was fun and interesting, while they thought it was the opposite. Because their $1 reward was such a small incentive, they had to internalize their actions with their beliefs; therefore, aligning your real self with your ideal self.

WHAT I THINK ABOUT ME

The concept of cognitive dissonance is best understood in terms of self-image. When we think that we are good people, we tend to look for information that justifies that statement. Anything that contradicts or threatens that statement, we tend to deny or rationalize. Think about it, have you ever bought something knowing that you don’t need it? Buyer’s remorse is a perfect example of dissonance. When regret kicks in, we look for reasons to justify why we needed it (rationalize).

So if you want to know what people think of you, just ask yourself, “Am I the person I think I am?”