I would like to focus on our fears because this is one of the most powerful factors affecting your actions. Just think about how many things you would do differently if you had no worries or fears about it.

Absolutely all our actions are evaluated by ourselves before carrying them out. And such evaluation is done to make sure that we understand as much as possible the good and bad consequences that a particular action could have. Some actions are so simple or physical that they require only seconds of judgment before we take them. They require virtually no risk assessment, and we’re pretty sure of the outcome. Other actions, however small they may seem, will mean much more to us or to the people around us, so we need to take more care and time to make sure that such actions are really what we think we want. And only when you finish your evaluation and feel confident about the decision you have made, do you follow through: either take action or abandon it.

Today I would like to talk about one of the most common fears: the fear of showing your true self to the world.

In modern society, it’s all about having a strong, positive image of yourself. When you go to work, you want to look smart and confident. You want to make smart decisions and take the right actions. You want to be as good as you can be. Every day, every minute and every moment.

With your friends, it’s a very similar story. You want to be witty and fun. You want to be popular with your friends and be a good friend at the same time. You would like to socialize in the most relaxed way possible. You would like to be able to make friends with anyone. You want to be a person that everyone likes.

In your family, you probably also want to do your best. It’s about being the perfect husband and loving father. An ideal wife or a super mom. You want to have a really nice family. You would like to have a better understanding with your partner. You would like to spend more time with your children. You would like to smile at your next door neighbors every morning and get a smile back.

All these images that I just brought to your mind are expectations. Some of them are your own expectations, others are those of the people around you. And no matter whose expectations these are, they invariably put some pressure on your actions. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you know there are some expectations to be met. You know that you have to do your best and look your best to meet these expectations. If you don’t meet expectations, this brings frustrations. For some of us, being frustrated with yourself is the worst frustration there is. For others, it’s quite acceptable, as long as other people whose opinion we value aren’t frustrated.

These roles of a perfect professional, ideal husband or amazing friend are something we use as a guide. These are the images of us that we live for. But what happens quite often is that by following expectations and doing our best, we reach a point in our life where we feel like we’re pretending to be someone else. We receive appreciation and admiration from the people around us, and we think: “No, it can’t be true. It’s not me they’re talking about, it’s someone else.” And this is how fear is born.

From this point on, you become more and more unhappy with your real self. You see everything as a game of pretending to be someone else, a much better person than you really are. You start judging your own thoughts and actions in a completely different light, and it’s very easy to get caught up in your false beliefs.

Do you Do you really like waking up at 6 am only to get to your workplace at 8 am? Of course not! It’s this other person you’re pretending to be… you Do you like to deal with all the problems you encounter every day? No! It’s the professional person you’re trying to be that makes you do it. And do you Do you like to sit in meetings late? No, but you have to because otherwise people will understand who you really are. Who wants to see such a horrible picture of you, the real you? The person who loves to laze around in bed every morning and drive a car over the speed limits, the person who hates work and likes to enjoy a glass of beer on a sunny beach? A person who finds some (if not all) meetings too stupid and useless to attend, and who has a better idea of ​​what to do in most situations at work? Surely, you don’t want anyone to know that you’re that bad.

At this point, the fact that most of the things that suggest how bad you really are never happen somehow doesn’t matter to you. This idea gets out of focus, and all you focus on is that no matter how many good things you make happen on a daily basis, you are still afraid to admit that some of them you would do differently or not do at all. all if you weren’t pretending to be a better person.

A similar type of fear exists for every aspect of your life. It’s very difficult to explain, but people automatically accept that everything bad they do or even think is their true selfbut much more effort is needed to persuade them that something good they do or think is as real as a part of their personality. And this imbalance in self-confidence is so incredibly strong that even when we do some really good things and take the right actions, instead of appreciating it and enjoying the moment, many of us manage to think something like, “Well, it worked.” this time. And? Everyone seems to be really impressed. Argh… If they only knew how scared he was to do it. If only they knew that it happened by sheer luck, like I didn’t know myself if it would work or not… And now everyone looks at me and it seems like chance saved my day, but somehow I’m not happy, just miserable in a way. even higher degree…”

Do you recognize any of these thoughts? 😉 I bet you do, that’s because you’ve had them more than once! And you felt almost guilty for doing the right thing! How twisted is that?!

Now, I urge you: don’t be afraid to show your true self! Because it’s you, not anyone else, who does all the good things for you. You are not pretending to be someone else. Are be yourself! Remember: you are as good as you really are. These expectations that force you to do good deeds daily are nothing more than your conscience. Very often you have a situation that you know you can walk away from, and no one will know that you did. But something makes you take action and make something good happen once again. Do you really think it’s the result of pretending? Of course not! It’s the real you! It’s as real as it gets!

Don’t be afraid to show your true self. If you felt scared doing something that people now admire you for, tell them about it. They will admire you even more. This will help them realize that you are just as human as all of them, and it took some courage for you to take action. If you feel lazy in the mornings, it’s okay to live with that. Most people are! It’s natural, and people like to be natural. If you are afraid that there is a gap of misunderstanding between you and your partner, talk to him or her, don’t be afraid to appear vulnerable. Show that you really care, talk to her and try to fix things. She will help you, believe me.

It really is okay to have some dark secrets. all people do. Some secrets are darker than others, and some things should be kept to yourself. But that doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty for them. And even if you do, it doesn’t mean you should also feel guilty for doing something good. Don’t think that the real you is just something bad that you constantly try to hide. Admit that you also have a good side. Don’t be afraid to follow your heart and act like you I think you should, not how you think others I wish you would

That’s all for today. The subject is so vast that I may have to revisit it at a later stage, but I have said enough for now. Let me know what you think. I really want to know what you agree with and what you don’t, because only by talking to each other do we learn and grow. I also hope I have brought some relief even though most things seemed pretty trivial. But this is simply because, lucky for us, not everything has to be complicated in our lives 🙂