There have been many events that have occurred throughout the 20th century. Many that have happened before my life, of course, and many during. The one that comes to mind right now is the heartbreaking life of Terrence Johnson. I think this one sticks with me right now because he was so close to home. We follow him from the beginning to the end. We know and understand many of the situations that we as black youth have had and continue to have when dealing with officials. And, in many ways, it has affected our thoughts and perceptions when it comes to dealing with law enforcement.

In 1997, Terrence Johnson was surrounded by police officers after robbing a NationsBank in Aberdeen, Maryland, put a gun to his head, and took his own life. He was driving home from work when the news came on the radio. The moment I heard it, a feeling of stillness washed over me. Instantly my mind began to go back 19 years when the news spread throughout the neighborhood, “that guy from Bladensburg named Terrence Johnson” killed two police officers. Like the flickering of a slide projector, my mind began to jump through the different images on the television of Terrence being led away by police officers. Back then, it didn’t occur to me how young he looked. But then again, I was two years younger. However, during those early years, I grew older and watched as he aged.

Continuing down the road, my mind took me back to the moment I saw him being interviewed on WHMM Channel 32 just nine years ago. That’s when reality finally set in. “He is dead!”

From that moment on, I couldn’t help but shed tears. But my tears weren’t just tears of pain. They were hit with jets of anger. “But who?” That was the question. He wasn’t sure if he was mad at him for taking that detour, or mad at society for paving that road.

The only thing I am sure of is that this situation touches me so closely that it terrifies me. For me, Terrence Johnson symbolizes a life at a time, a time that I can personally identify with. You see, when I looked at Terrence Johnson, I saw myself. Not just me, but also a lot of people I know and grew up with. And I’m truly aware that it could have been me or any other kid I knew being stopped at that police station that night.

That’s why I feel that those of us who really defended him were sincere. Deep down, we wanted to see that something positive could come from something so negative. So when he was finally released, we cheered and watched. Even when we didn’t realize we were still looking, we looked. I feel this because every time his name is mentioned, heads turn. They still spin. But what do we really see? I myself see a life that ended as it began.

I was taken to a scripture that says, “we reap what we sow.” By this, I don’t mean Terrence. I mean society. What we are seeing, in my opinion, is the fruit of racism. Obviously that’s how it all started in the first place. What I see is an officer handling a situation based on his views on a young black man in the metropolitan area. That’s why so many of us ask questions like, “Why would you do such a thing?” or “Why didn’t you go to someone if you had problems?” or “Did he really shoot himself or was it a setup?” It’s because we refuse to accept the label that society has placed on him as a “cold-blooded killer.”

So, in defense of Terrence Johnson’s name, I’d like to walk you through a story, while asking you just one question. Every time this question is asked, I would like you to write down his answer. By doing this, I want to cover a setting from the movement, “A Time To Kill.”

Picture this. You’re fifteen years old. It is night. You and your brother are stopped by three police cars and aggressively taken to the police station. He has not been charged with anything, although he has been told that his brother is suspected of trespassing. At the police station you find yourself treated differently from the others and you are sure that it is because you are black. The aggressive treatment continues while one of the officers questions him.

How do you feel?

Let’s say this officer becomes more and more agitated because he feels that you are not responding to his questions in a timely manner. In the midst of his flailing, he kicks your flesh from under you, knocking you to the ground (you’re handcuffed, by the way). Again, he flails and kicks it again.

How do you feel?

At this point, you are hurt. You yell at the officer that he can’t do this to you, and in response, he ‘busts’ you for “being foul-mouthed”.

How do you feel?

You start to cry, because deep down you know there’s not much you can do about it. In defeated anger, she decides to try to lift the chair to throw it away, but three other officers attack you and throw you against the wall. Then one of the officers says, “Take off the handcuffs. I’m going to kick his black ass!”

How do you feel?

The handcuffs are removed and you are pushed into an empty room, where the threatening officer enters and starts beating you. You feel the blood begin to drip from your head. How do you feel?

You try to counter attack by biting him in the chest, but he is bigger and stronger than you. Then he knees you in the chest making you fall backwards.

How do you feel?

As you fall back, your hand grabs his weapon and it is ripped from the holster.

How do you feel?

You get up off the ground and realize you have the gun in your hand. The officer also notices and starts attacking you for having the gun.

How do you feel?

You panic. Anxiety has grown to enormous proportions. You start to run away, but are thoroughly beaten by several other cops. Although you are fifteen years old, you are on your way to being tried as an adult for the murders of two police officers.

How do you feel?

Time has passed, but the horror of that night still lingers. It’s everywhere, especially in the media. You’ve aged a bit. You are now 17 years old. So far, you’ve been transferred in and out of court, fighting million-dollar bail, called a liar regarding your version of the story, transferred from jail to jail, placed in adult prisons, and treated like scum. lowest of the earth. Contrary to his beliefs, his name has appeared in the media as a “cold-blooded cop killer”. The schools have denied you to attend any class. He has been continually threatened and beaten. His family and friends have been receiving numerous death threats. And in conclusion, you are found guilty of manslaughter and sent to prison for 25 years.

How do you feel?

Alright. It has been many years. You are now 31 years old. You can vaguely remember what life was like before that dark night at the police station, like: hanging out with a girlfriend, hanging out at drive-ins, and going to Busch Gardens with your friends. But the moments that stick in your mind the most are learning to survive inside the prison walls, being mugged and assaulted by other inmates, being beaten by prison guards in front of your mother, the constant counseling sessions trying to convince you that you are a “cold blooded cop killer” and spend days in the hole where you were not allowed anything but a toilet and the skin of your back.

However, some light has shone on you during that time, and along with the unhappiness, moments of hope have come your way. There have been people supporting you. He has been able to receive his GED, AA Degree and BS Degree in Business Administration with a 3.6 GPA. You have obtained professional skills in carpentry, ceramics and office automation. You have even been able to get married.

Finally, it has happened. After 17 years of utter adversity, and despite strong disapproval opposition from the very police department that placed you here, you are released. You are free to start the life you have dreamed of for a long time.

How do you feel?

Your second chance at life is off to a great start! People everywhere recognize you and express their support. Lawyers and businessmen seem to have put you under their wings. You are about to study law. You have been given money and a place to stay for a while for free. People constantly want to support you. You have the opportunity to help participate in the Million Man March. You have even been approached regarding a book and movie deal about your life.

How do you feel?

Alright. Two years have passed since you were released. It’s not as bad as a few years before, but it’s not the same as when you first dated. Trying to attend law school at Howard University, he discovered that he was not wanted there. So instead you registered with UDC. You still have supporters, but you also have those who say, “Just look at him! He’ll prove what a criminal he really is!” You’re paying rent now, and it’s become a pressure. The marriage is not exactly what you expected and finally comes the divorce. He has been threatened with eviction. Your father is sick and your mother is not well. There’s a familiar sense of despair beginning to haunt you again. Even though you haven’t felt it in a few years, you know the feeling when she hits you. Oh! Wait! There is a financial dilemma at school. Due to city cuts, the grants he was awarded for classes have been withdrawn. You have to withdraw from school.

How do you feel?

Take a moment to look at your life. Does the bad outweigh the good? There are a lot of people watching for a lot of different reasons. What do you have to show for it? What have you really accomplished that matters right now? What awaits you? How many people depend on you? And how are you going to pay those DAMN BILLS!? That’s the problem. All you need is the money to get you out of this slump and things will be up and running again. But, that’s a lot of money we’re talking about. Don’t forget the registration. Don’t forget to pay that rent or else. Let’s not forget you have a new baby to take care of. Dad’s prostate cancer test results will be in soon. You need a lot of money, now! “A man is not a man unless he takes care of himself.” I have an idea. Let’s take a look at the events along the way. Hook up with some of the homies and make some quick bucks – get back on your feet. But it has to be something quick, something that lasts a while. At least until this book or movie deal comes along.

Alright. You and your brother agree to pull off a heist. A bank job. They have locked you up. You know the stories of how it’s supposed to be done. It’s an ‘in and out’ thing. get in there Take the money and ‘voila’, head out again. Nobody will get hurt. Remember, you don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s not about that. And you sure don’t want to end up in jail again. Everything but that! You and your brother leave the area to do it. You and your brother rob the bank. However, when trying to get back out there, you discover that it’s not as simple as you thought. The police stop you. Now this scene here looks very familiar. You know exactly where this scene leads. Face it. You screwed up again. You’ve tried it the right way and it didn’t work. You have tried it incorrectly and it didn’t work. Do you see? It just won’t work! You just can’t win! Forget it!

How do you feel?

Terrence once said that he hadn’t been happy in so long that he didn’t know how he felt. He also said that managing a life in prison required a certain mindset, one he didn’t really have. I’m not saying that I agree with my brother’s decisions, but I understand!