It was during my time working in England a few years ago that I first wondered about the jealous man syndrome. On the way to my apartment at the end of each day, the sight of men sitting patiently in their cars waiting to pick up their wives or girlfriends at work struck me. Not until one day when a friend said that her man always insisted on picking her up after work on the dot every day. If you needed to go for a drink or anywhere else, you had to tell him in advance. In retrospect, I realized that what impressed me as men taking good care of their ladies wasn’t really there in the parking space for the best of purposes.

It is interesting to note that the biggest problems on the dating scene are controlling and jealous men who are itching to find someone to love and relate to. However, when they do have her, they do subtle things to subject her to a sense of trust in him, hiding behind her mask of “loving her and wanting what’s best for her.” At first, the woman will not notice it; in fact, she will probably be elated by the attention she is receiving from her man. And why wouldn’t she? Her charm and good looks make everyone think that he is a prince charming; it seems as if the world were at his fingertips; and she feels that everything is so heavenly! But she didn’t know that she would later find out that Mr. Nice Guy is not what he is after all.

Now how can a woman spot Mr. Jealous and Mr. Controlling? This is probably the starting difficulty for every woman who is on the dating scene. It will be useful if we summarize the observations about how a controlling and jealous man behaves.

A jealous and controlling man lacks self-confidence or self-esteem. This is the key issue here; is the root of the matter. He too often feels uncomfortable with himself. Why is this so? Because he doesn’t really believe that he deserves this incredible wonderful woman; he thinks he’s not good enough to be his man. And deep down, he believes that she can do better than him.

Mr. Jealous and Controlling lacks self-confidence. He believes that the woman will be taken from him. He has this image in her mind that at any moment she will run away from him or that she is looking for some way to be out of her world; and worst of all, he’s thinking that she doesn’t really love him or want him at all. He will see, first of all, the man doesn’t know how to love himself, so he can’t understand why she would love him. As a result, he will stop believing in his words of love and disrespect everything she does for him.

This is the beginning of the Mr. Controller situation. He begins to think of ways for her to depend on him and increase his sense of trust. “If she’s really thinking about leaving me, I should be able to make her stay. But how? Simple, I’ll make her so dependent on me for everything. I should make her want me, need me, and want to be anywhere.” with me even when I’m with my male friends.

As the relationship progresses, Mr. Controller will think of ways to make sure that you will always be there where he sees you. Although deep down the man does not love himself, he is desperate to know that you do; and he needs to see proof of how much you will do things for him. Then he will fabricate situations for you to stay home with him and your social life will start to wane. Instead of having your regular time with friends, you will be with him, helping him in all his needs under the pretense that this is necessary to build the romantic relationship. After all, you want to spend most of your time with your man. Little by little, you will be distanced from your circle of friends, even inventing stories that these people are not really faithful to you. You won’t realize it, but he is beginning to isolate you from the social world to meet his own needs.

After he has managed to make your world revolve around him, he will try to lower your self-esteem by judging you and making you feel bad about yourself. He will criticize the way you dress, the way you do things, your job, or even your personal values.

He will make you think that no one else will love you and that you should be thankful for having him around to love you despite who you are. He will say that you are very lucky to have him. Slowly, that degree of trust and fear will build up inside you until it makes you think that what he is saying is, in fact, true. You will lose your own identity; your friends will worry about it but you will fire them or make excuses because your man has already managed to control your way of thinking.
In what specific ways does he show his control over you? (And you allow him…)

• Interferes with your social activities. He is too concerned with who you go out with, when and where.
• Insists on going with you anywhere, even mundane places.
• He wants to know where you are calling excessively.
• Makes you feel ugly and inferior and tries to put you down. Show distaste for your appearance and order what you should wear.
• Shows violent anger and antagonistic attitude. He overreacts to even minor details.
• Insinuates dominance in domestic circumstances; he wants to be in control of everything inside the house.
• Does not want to communicate or argue; he always has the last word.

Now he did it. You are now in the position he wants you to be in: isolated from others and subjugated by him; a woman without a sense of identity but only with complete trust in him. And he feels good about himself for doing it. In the eyes of your friends and on a social level, he’s still Mr. Nice Guy. But deep inside you is a feeling of dread for social life because coming home and facing him will be a hard time again. It will be like a broken record that constantly repeats a bad sound: you are completely dependent on him, but he does not trust you and continues to think that you do not love him and that you will walk away. That’s why he keeps doing these things to you: he needs constant proof that you love him. And since you are already under his control, you continue to do what he wants … Vicious circle!

Hey wake up! Is that why we date and are in a relationship with someone? Sure, you have a need to feel loved, wanted and desired by your man, but definitely not this way and not at the cost of losing your individuality. Maybe a little jealousy will do the trick or an arm around your shoulder or you rarely get involved, just so your man can show that he cares about you. It can make both of you feel good, attractive and sexy even when done in a lighthearted way. But jealousy has to have some level of control and things shouldn’t go too far. To love a person is not to possess him. In a romantic relationship, you don’t capture someone and keep them in jail.

Virility and masculinity should not be confused with possessiveness and jealousy. The latter takes away a person’s dignity and self-esteem. Submit the weaker force to the wishes and intentions of the stronger party. We are in the modern age and this type of behavior has no place here. However, today it is obvious that men are increasingly threatened because women are rising in almost all spheres of society, be it political, social or financial. That a man has a dominant role in the home as father and husband is becoming an old proverb. Old habits don’t die easily. Men cling to the traditions to which they have grown accustomed. For this reason they become depressed and depressed and frantically try to regain their position in the relationship, as well as at home and in today’s society.

And the way they do this makes them extremely controlling. When a man finds himself in any of these situations (lack of masculinity, frustration with his career, lack of financial achievement, domineering parental influences, disappointment in domestic roles, and lack of identity in general), his tendency to become Controlling is very strong. high. We can only hope that soon he can see that what he is doing is alienating the modern woman instead of winning her over to his side. Of course, we don’t anticipate that it will change overnight. But in due time, a man must accept that he is not always the key person in the relationship and as such must also reciprocate the love, affection and attention that his partner gives him.

More and more women are realizing that a jealous and possessive man doesn’t deserve them and they should never have to put up with it either. But the tease is that if your man had been calm and confident in himself, you wouldn’t even toy with the idea of ​​walking away. However, his bad attitude due to his low self-esteem eventually led him to what he fears most: packing up and saying goodbye.

If you are experiencing these things right now and are thinking about leaving, hold on to your family and friends. Mr. Controller is riddled with psychological and emotional problems and he will need company to deal with them. To make you want him back and come back to him, you can expect the man to target the weak areas he has already molded into you.

On a lighter side, the real Mr. Nice Guy is a cheerful, positive and self-assured man who has no possessiveness and jealousy issues. He and his wife share a mutual interest in each other’s person. He appreciates the individuality of his girlfriend and respects her ideals as she does him. Relationships aren’t just about sharing the same likes and dislikes or doing the same things together, it’s also about maintaining personal freedom of expression and individuality. It’s about deep trust, knowing that your partner has only the best intentions for you and your relationship.

So cheer up. Many women have risen to the occasion and have moved on, even though it is difficult. There are many true Mr. Nice Guy out there that you could meet, love and be happy with. Healing from the traumatic ordeal may take some time. But always keep in mind that this is your world, your life. It is your privilege to decide for yourself and be responsible for doing what makes you happy. Controlling and jealous men have no place in this world. The sooner they help themselves out of this pathetic behavior without the help of any women, the better.