Have you noticed that there are certain recurring “themes” in your life and in the lives of your clients? How do you get to the bottom of these issues, so that you can address them directly?

Enter the “Main Concerns” of NLP. This is a brilliant, simple and powerful questioning system designed to get right to the heart of what is really going on with someone.

To understand Prime Concerns, the following are associated:

Starting things is associated with being.

Changing things is associated with doing.

Stopping things is associated with having.

I know there doesn’t seem to be any relationship on the surface. That’s part of why it looks so “magical” when you work with it!

This is how he works with Prime Concerns:

Ask the client which is better at starting things, changing things or stopping things. Then ask them what they are worse at, starting things, changing things, or stopping things.

The third question you would ask, “Who/what are you not (being or doing, or having) that you want to (be, do or have)”.

For example, suppose your client says it’s better to change things. That is associated with doing. Your client says that it is worse to stop things, this is associated with having. Would you ask that client what is it that you don’t have that you want to have?

This points to something that is of great importance to the customer, hence the term “Primary Concern”. Keep in mind that you’ll want to take note of the exact words they use. By using your own specific language, you will be more effective in reaching them and helping them create the change they are seeking in life.

If they’re having trouble getting started, chances are they’re having trouble not being who they want to be. This could relate to relationships, career, or a certain role in life.

If you are challenged to change things, chances are you have something in your life that you want to do and you don’t. Maybe they are lawyers and they want to be comedians. You get the idea. If they have a hard time stopping things, they may not have something that is very important to them.

Try it yourself and then use it with your clients. Notice how your answers relate to what you already know about them. I am always surprised by the results.