SPRING brings out the “clean sweep” genetic factor in most of us. It’s time to clear, rearrange and abandon the boxes of things in the corner of the basement and clean up the garage. Sometimes those “things” include personal belongings of a loved one who died. Sometimes it’s just a potpourri of unnecessary stuff, just nostalgic or clearly ready to “let go.” But even though the motivational genes have been activated, the process of dealing with them is more difficult than anticipated.

Making decisions about items that belonged to a loved one who has died is emotionally difficult. Some people put off this task for a long time because it seems too painful. In many cases, time makes a difference, and from year to year the value of the items decreases slightly. It is best to conquer this arduous task when you are motivated to face it. Like complaints, there is no right or wrong way to handle this process. You just need to go through it.

Here are some tips to get you started:

Be prepared: The most important step is to “Be Ready”. You will know whether or not you are ready to “let go” of those treasured items that belong to your deceased loved one. In some cases, you may feel pressured to redistribute items for valid reasons (such as having to sell a residence that a parent lived in after the parent’s death). In that case, the overwhelming task may need to be accomplished in a limited amount of time. Motivate yourself by choosing to think of this work as discovering the mysteries and messages of your loved one’s life. Scanning personal belongings can often bring a laugh; a reaction like, “I didn’t know that; and above all recall memories of moments that were important to him or her.

Personally, I stored tubs full of things that belonged to our son, Chad, after he died because I wanted to keep them and go through them again. How often did I look at them? Occasionally, but not as often as I thought he would. And, I confess, I still have two tubs of stuff I’m not ready to part with. For me, some items I was able to give to Chad’s friends in a few months because he wanted certain people to have these items that he knew they would appreciate. Other things, I still stubbornly cling to for nostalgia reasons. I figure as long as I have space…why not?

Determine the “Destinations” before starting the project

Make 3-4 sort spots where you can place items to start the process. Destroy/Throw… Consign/Sell… Keep… Give away are good “destinations”. Items can be re-evaluated as you go. Sort quickly and follow your first instinct. Chances are your first inclination was the best. Holding on to items while estimating the value, either in cash or in memory, creates a greater opportunity to repackage the item and have to deal with it later.

Keep items that will bring you to a tear, warm your heart, and summon a deep, hearty laugh. For now these are an incredible value!

Gifting can include many destinations. Perhaps a charity could benefit from articles that could be useful to them. It is good to give treasured items to relatives or friends of the deceased. Most communities have some individual benefit at any given time for someone who is in dire need of household items or clothing.

Consignment/Sale: This is an ideal option for items that are less personal, such as household items, tools, hobbies, etc. There may be quick cash value for an eager buyer, but price it to sell. I would not consider putting a deceased loved one’s item out to the curb for disposal or spring cleaning. There is something unfavorable about that no matter what the article is. And I would be very upset to see the item on the back of my neighbors or in their house! It is just my opinion!

Ask for help.

Because this is overwhelming work filled with emotions and memories, it’s good to have other family members or friends help you through the process. When there are painful “indecisions” about deletion, whose. Keep the item for another day or time when you feel more comfortable giving it up.

If you have trouble throwing away personal items or clothing, hire someone who can make those decisions. Ask the enlisted person to remove the bag of items so you don’t have second thoughts later. Speaking from experience, I have literally salvaged too many items by bringing them back into the house. It’s easy to “believe” that you can’t live without it!

In some cases, you may need professional services. You may want to hire an appraiser for valuables that family members don’t necessarily want to keep. There are businesses that specialize in real estate sales and auctions that can take some of the load off you. Additionally, there are companies that “clean up” abandoned property and dispose of items for a fee. These are all decisions you will have to make based on your circumstances. If you just can’t deal with the intense emotions and overwhelming tasks of all the hassles, this is a good option. Go first and save what you want. Then leave the rest in good hands and don’t look back!

Share and take the day

If there is an extended family that may be interested in some of the items that you would otherwise throw away, it is nice to have a gathering when these can be displayed and given away. The hardest moment here is accepting that some items may be rejected by those you invite. Do not judge. Everyone places a value on different things. Some people are not keepers of “stuff” regardless of sentimental value. Remember, these items are important to YOU, not necessarily to someone else.

Someone told me how they handled items belonging to a grandmother. They gift wrapped selected items for each child and grandchild (items they thought the person would like) and placed them under the Christmas tree that year. How comforting to open a package that contained something that belonged to “grandma”!

My husband’s grandmother did something similar. Many years before her death, when she was leaving her house, she had all her children and grandchildren come. In an orderly manner (for example, by date of birth), each one could choose an element for which they wanted to remember her. We took the article from her that day and kept it in her memory both before and after her death. (She lived at least twenty more years!)

SElementary elements (photograph, family albums)

In your cleaning task, you are likely to come across some items you have never seen before or some that bring back vivid memories of better times. She may want to set them aside and review them later rather than interrupt the sorting process. So you can make a better decision about what to do with that item. Cherish and enjoy special moments as you read, touch or feel items that capture another moment in your loved one’s life. These are treasured experiences.

Family photos and albums become one big collection over time. I am facing that problem right now with genealogy information and family photos that go back a long way. No one wants to be the “guardian” of the vat full of information; however, everyone thinks that it has some value and should be stored somewhere. I finally decided to scan the old photos that were very worn, along with others that were in good condition, as well as scan documents. This way, I can identify them and save them to a computer, flash drive, or the cloud for someone. The vat of tangibles is ready for a new home… and those interested?

Keep going even if it gets tough!

A dear friend of mine who now resides in an assisted living home taught me a very valuable lesson that seems heartbreaking, but really identifies our journey through life. He had a nice house and many prized items that have been systematically reduced due to his illness at the present time in which he already has very few of his tangible treasures. He tells us about our transitions through life. At one point, we are “collectors” trying to accumulate things. And as we get older, if we’re so lucky, we realize that things aren’t what our journey is about. Our first inclination is to give it to a family member who might actually “care” for it. What we discover when we try to download items we thought were valuable is that they have depreciated over time, just like we have.

The lesson in this is to appreciate the blessings of all the personal items we have had to use and enjoy over the years. Most of us will admit that we have a lot more than we REALLY needed. We had it because we liked it and we could afford it. Whether you’re redistributing your loved one’s items or downsizing your own, homework makes us face loss and reality very personally. What to rescue that really tells our story is the decision that requires honest evaluation and can be emotionally draining. If it hasn’t happened yet, reset your personal priority list. ask yourself; If I had to move into a one-bedroom apartment right away, what couldn’t I live without? And if you’re honest with yourself, nothing is as valuable as all the memories or stories that come with any item in your stash.

This spring started the same as last…we are doing a project of letting go of a few more possessions that have served their purpose, are unused and can give me some peace of mind that I am doing my part. I didn’t say this was a one year project. I’ve been at this for several years because I’ve had the luxury of taking my time. In the back of my mind, I’m always thinking about those who have to clean up after us when we die. What will they think of all that we have accumulated that tells the story of our life? And it’s no surprise that the items we value don’t seem important to them at all. We are the ones who give value to all the things we have. Craig’s List, eBay, or your local consignment store will likely disagree.

The end result of this long process is Relief and Happiness that I have accomplished a little more of the hard work. It even makes the future seem brighter. My rummage closet is filling up and I feel good about it. Okay, now that I’ve written this, I’m motivated to get back to the task at hand… maybe even give those Chad tubs a second look! But I can guarantee you that next spring I will do it again (and there will probably be another article!)