Few people get married thinking it won’t last, at least not consciously. Most of us want a lasting, lifelong relationship that offers the happiness of shared life and family.

But the statistics on divorce show that shipwrecks on the seas of marriage have increased, with people injured, families separated, lives severely affected. It is true that the divorce rate in Australia has slowed down over the last 30 years, but in 2000 more marriages ended due to divorce than due to the death of one of the spouses.

Divorce is anticipated to end 32 percent of current marriages. And it is an upward trend. “The rates experienced in actual cohorts who married during the 1960s are lower than current expectations, while the rates for those who married after the mid-1970s are close to current expectations. of the new century and then remain for some time. – from “DIVORCE RATES BY DURATION OF MARRIAGE – SUMMARY OF METHODS AND RESULTS”, a paper presented by Andrew Webster at the 10th Biennial Conference of the Australian Population Association (2000).

Is there anything to prevent the breakdown of marriage?

Marriages do not follow a generic pattern; When two people have entered into that intimate bond, there are many elements that can negatively impact the marriage. External problems (financial, work, etc.) can quickly affect the inner being of one or both partners, and this increases stress, sometimes reverberating from one partner to another.

That means there is no easy answer to the subject of marital breakups. Any solution must necessarily be multifaceted, but there is strong evidence linking relationship education/relationship counseling with successful marriages.

But our marriage is not in trouble!

Seeking relationship education is sometimes seen as a remedy, but by the time a relationship is in trouble (or recognized as being in trouble), the wounds have already been inflicted on both husband and wife. That means both parties have to deal with FIXING a problem.

Premarital counseling/education or relationship counseling/education soon after marriage has been shown to be linked to a greater chance of a healthy marriage. Avoiding potential pitfalls is much better than fixing problems later. As Dr. Belinda Hewitt stated in her article “Marriage Breakdown in Australia”, there are “known risk factors for marital failure” related to “negative interaction patterns”. Conflict management is an important issue. Encouragingly, she also states that “[s]Studies have shown that couples can be taught critical skills that are helpful in managing common relationship conflicts (for example, money, children, chores, and sex). Evidence that couples can learn to communicate less negatively and more positive is quite solid).

But we love each other!

The saying is that “Love is blind”, but the stardust of love usually disappears, leaving couples to love each other with more discerning eyes than in the first flush of romance.

When marriages break up, it’s not like someone waved a magic wand and took love away in an instant. Rather, it is a process that results from ongoing conflicts, problems, interactions, and developments. To keep love alive, one makes the choice of love every day; one learns mutual sharing, mutual interest, mutual connection.

There are perception and behavioral tools that greatly increase a marriage’s chances of surviving the storms that may strike. It makes sense not to leave love in a vulnerable and unprotected place in the heart, but to protect it with all the tools at our disposal.

Should marriage celebrants tell us about this?

Australia recognizes the importance of relationship education, and it’s not just something that’s a good idea for celebrants to talk about with the bride and groom, it’s actually mandatory.

Quoting material provided by the Attorney General’s Department: “The Code of Practice, applicable to Commonwealth licensed celebrants, also requires celebrants to maintain an up-to-date knowledge of appropriate family relations services in their community and to inform the parties about the range of information and services available to them to enhance and sustain them throughout their relationship Celebrants should be able to provide information, and if necessary referrals, to couples who seek them Celebrants are neither required nor expected to provide these services themselves, but are in the perfect position to provide information to wedding couples about the services that are available. This is a valuable role for celebrants to fulfill.”

The tensions in marriages seem to come from all directions. Both men and women seem to be doing more than ever in their lives, taking on all kinds of responsibilities. Such additional stresses only increase the potential damage to marriages, so it makes sense to anticipate any damage to the relationship. Couples who undergo premarital education or early relationship counseling are 30% more likely to have a long and healthy marriage.

Grab the tools that can prevent problems before they happen. Marital education/counseling is one of the best ways to do this.