“The soul must always be ajar, ready to receive the ecstatic experience” – Emily Dickinson

How much pleasure have you had today? Yes, be honest, unless you’re one of those rare people who experience a lot of pleasure, you probably haven’t gotten your pleasure meter off much today. The Webster’s dictionary definition of pleasure is: a feeling of pleasure; enjoyment; delight; satisfaction. You know the feeling, the warm, open feeling of delight throughout your body, hard to articulate in some ways, but you know what I’m talking about, pleasure, it’s fun to say and almost evokes the feeling just by saying it. Try it, say it out loud, a pleasure. What a great fun word to say and even more fun to fully experience!

When I ask my clients “What gives you pleasure?” it may take them a while to generate answers to the question. There may be reactions such as “I’m not supposed to focus on my pleasure, which is selfish” or “I haven’t felt pleasure in so long I don’t know what would give me pleasure.” Another reaction is that they are able to make a list of the things that give them pleasure, but when I ask them when was the last time they did these things, they timidly answer that it hasn’t been for a long time. Women in particular have a hard time staying focused and attending to their own pleasure because they are socialized to channel their energy into supporting the pleasure of others, not their own. A few years ago, while vacationing with my family at a cabin in Upper Michigan, my aunt shared that she would love to go watch the sunset on Lake Superior, a fifteen-minute drive from where we were staying. She was so excited because it was rare for her to verbalize something that gave her pleasure, since she was so focused on what would bring pleasure to her husband and her children, but not to herself. We were getting ready to leave when a family friend from a neighboring cabin passed by and asked my aunt to prepare a fish she had just caught, without batting an eyelash she said yes, and her trip to see the sunset was over. air. Once again, someone else’s pleasure was more important than his own. She was both angry and sad at how quickly she let go of her own pleasure.

Think of the ripple effect of your denial of your own pleasure. To see this, let’s use the Inner Linkage framework in which we have a child within whom we constantly communicate. Imagine the internal communication my aunt had within herself: she told the child that they were going to watch the sunset, and like any child, that part of her began to get excited, anticipating the fun and delight of watching the sunset. sun. —Getting more excited as she got closer to the time to go (you know this is exactly what kids do) and now imagine she chooses not to go and prepare the fish for her friend. How would that child inside her feel? Devastated, angry, sad, unimportant. There would definitely be an impact on the internal level: a feeling of hopelessness, irritability, his energy level may have dropped, he may have criticized others later in the evening. There are negative consequences both for her and for others around her; This type of denial is not without profound consequences. If this type of denial of one’s own pleasure continues, it can lead to feelings of depression, anger, numbing of the Spirit, and even illness.

Let’s see the ripple effect of what would have happened if she had followed her Pleasure and gone to see the sunset. She would have had the wonderful sensation of delight and pleasure in her body as she watched the sunset. Her energy would rise, she would open up, and she would feel a deeper connection to herself and those around her. She would feel relaxed—any tension that was held in her body would melt away—her breathing would open and deepen. In this relaxed, open, and uplifted state, she can get creative ideas about how to approach some of the problems she has recently faced, allowing her to solve them with ease and grace instead of fighting. She would feel inner confidence listening to herself, that childish part of her that was excited to go see the sunset, this part of her would feel valued and important, so she would feel her own worth and importance. . The childish part of her — which is the part of her most connected to what would give her pleasure — would feel safe to bring up more ideas of future pleasurable activities — pleasure would open and expand in her life — – instead of constricting and diminishing, which would be the consequence of not following through on the pleasure of the sunset.

Our mood affects those around us, even if we don’t say a word, those close to us can tell if we are in a good or bad mood and are generally affected by how we feel. Because of this, my aunt’s good feelings in following her pleasure would have had a ripple effect in spreading good feelings to those around her. Her elevated mood would also positively affect the way she interacted with her family: she would be more open and loving with them. So that she can see all the benefits of following her own pleasure: her life opens and expands in a positive way.

Here are 6 guidelines for experiencing the power of your own pleasure:

1. Take your own pleasure seriously- You have to be the champion of your own pleasure, following and honoring the things that give you pleasure, without giving in to external pressures that divert you. Listen to that voice inside of you when you come up with a great idea for something that would bring you pleasure — the more you listen, the more ideas will come. Open the gates of pleasure!

2. Make your own pleasure a priority- One of my favorite ways to do this is to structure your day around your pleasure. Putting pleasure at the top of your list instead of the bottom can have a tremendous impact on your everyday life. Pleasure feeds your Spirit and energizes your energy system, giving you more energy to do everything you want to do. When I plan my day, I make sure I have something pleasant planned right away in the morning — lately it’s been a bike ride — this infuses the start of my day with positive energy of pleasure. Then I make sure I have something enjoyable to do at lunch, like meet up with one of my favorite friends or go for a walk. In the evening, I make sure I have something pleasant to do: watch the sunset or watch a fun and light-hearted sitcom. Planning your day with Pleasure as your number one priority will allow you to get the other items on your to-do list done with ease and more energy. So tomorrow write “PLEASURE” at the top of your to-do list.

3. Take full responsibility for your own pleasure- Do you take responsibility for your own pleasure or give it to other people: your partner, your friends, your children? This is a common thing that people do and are often unaware of it. One sign that you may be doing this is if you find yourself frequently disappointed and disillusioned with people. This disappointment comes from expecting them to act a certain way to make you feel good — “they should say this, do this, etc. — and I’ll feel good.” Imagine making your pleasure independent of what others around you are doing and saying, that’s when things get really exciting and fun! An example of this is during the holidays: if you have expectations of how your family should act in order for you to have a good time, you will probably be disappointed because you have no control over the mood of each family member. in , whether they are open to having fun and loving or closed off and caught up in negativity. If you make your pleasure independent of what is going on with others, you will be sure to have a good time.

4. Engage all your senses to experience pleasure- An essential part of feeling pleasure is connecting with the sensations in your body. If you are stuck in your head worrying, analyzing, thinking about the past or the future, you will not be present in your body to feel pleasure; in fact, you will probably feel tension and anxiety. To feel pleasure you need to open yourself to the experience of the moment: how the air feels on your skin, what you smell, what you see around you. You may have an opportunity for pleasure that you are missing by being lost in the thoughts of your mind. Once you’re connected to the sensations in your body, you’ll have a better idea of ​​what needs to happen to experience pleasure. For example, you may notice that there is a lack of visual beauty in your everyday environment, so you can do things to change this and experience the pleasure of visual beauty. If you are at home now, look around you: does what you see give you pleasure? Are the colors and elements bold and beautiful? If not, explore what colors and images you would like to have in your environment. What sounds do you hear during the day? Do you hear laughter, music you love, songs, birds? Pay attention to what gives you listening pleasure, and make sure your day is permeated with these sounds. What physical sensations give you pleasure? I love feeling my dog’s soft fur on my fingertips. I close my eyes and realize how pleasant the feeling is. Do you feel good about the physical sensation of different movements: riding a bike, dancing, walking, jumping? What kind of touch feels good to you? Do you like someone to hold your hand, rub your back or feet, stroke your hair? Tune in to the physical sensations you truly love, and be sure to take steps to bring these sensations more into your life.

5. Take ordinary tasks and infuse pleasure into them. Think about the tasks you need to do in your life and see what you can do to bring more pleasure to these experiences. What could you do to enjoy cleaning your home? Play your favorite music, take dance breaks, play with whoever is cleaning with you, or play with yourself! I do this when I write articles: I play my favorite music loud, I drink my favorite iced tea from a colorful glass, I have loving and encouraging notes for myself all over my computer screen, I have beautiful pictures on cards that I can see in front of me! me, I burn my favorite incense and every 10 minutes I take a break to dance! Consequently writing is very pleasant and fun for me. Years ago when I started writing, I didn’t do these things and writing was difficult and a struggle for me. It was after I made pleasure a priority in the writing process that writing became so much fun, easy, and something I look forward to. Look at what activities you should do and see what kind of creative ways can bring you the most pleasure.

6. Push your limits of pleasure- You may have received negative messages from the culture and your family about pleasure, so you may initially feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable focusing so openly on your own pleasure. He treats these feelings as normal feelings of letting go of old limiting patterns that no longer serve him in his life. Acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, but don’t let them stop you from moving forward with your pleasure. The idea is to expand your ability to feel pleasure and feel it more often in your life. Take a chance and experiment with what would give you pleasure—Marvel— “What would give me pleasure today or right now?” —listen to what comes to mind and then try it out. Challenge yourself to feel more pleasure throughout the day—don’t feel pleasure and tell yourself- “That’s enough, I’ve had my pleasure for the day”—-no, no don’t do that– -oops in the other direction and say to yourself “That felt great — I want to feel more of that today!” I really feel like there is always room to expand and grow in the good feelings we can experience, so don’t be shy away from the amazing possibilities! Your great feeling will be an inspiration to others and allow them to see how they can move into those wonderful feelings too. Commit to being a Pleasure Pioneer by exploring new pleasure territories, paving the way for others to follow with joy.