Spring is here and love is in the air. A few days ago a friend told me how he loved mysterious women; how its enigma and unpredictability got him excited and inspired to go ahead with the flirtation. I started to think about what he had said and here is my theory.

Uncertainty, mystery, and flirtatious games are a dying art. In this modern world of instant gratification, they are luxury items that only the strongest and most unshakable can afford. Paradoxically, the uncertainty of a flirtation is only for those who feel safe and complete inside; for those who are not desperate to prematurely lock up romantic possibilities and their unexplored dimensions in a man-made cage declaring in a superior tone: “I don’t play games.”

In fact, let’s face it: we all long to be mysterious to each other; we want to be savored little by little, discovered layer by layer and enraptured piece by piece. We delight in our power to build unbearable levels of desire that drive the other into a blind madness that forgives us all. We long to build spiral staircases whose steps lead to ever-increasing promises that we can keep or forget as we please. We yearn to hunt and be hunted, lure and be drawn, catch and be caught, bind and be tied so tightly that we feel breathless and only that first kiss saves us from drowning as it blows us to the surface for air.

But this is not a game for everyone. Oh no … those who choose not to participate early are too insecure and not focused to play. It’s like office politics; those who are not strong enough to play it, leave the scene at the first obstacles. True flirting is the luxury of those who already feel whole without it and are driven neither by a sense of urgency to finish the game, nor by a need to regulate that comes from knowing limits and the inability to withdraw with Grace if nothing comes to fruition. .

A flirtation is a weak promise of what could happen if the circumstances were ideal. Perseverance and confidence are necessary to climb the stairs that can lead anywhere or nowhere. This game requires maximum effort and does not offer any guarantees.

Savoring the bittersweet taste of uncertainty is a luxury that only the strongest can afford. Only those who lack confidence find it a threat.

So this summer remember: you must enter to win it. Maybe. Certainty is good. Uncertainty is a luxury. It is an open promise.