Are you surprised how many new mothers experience crippling loneliness? In fact, recent figures (published by Mumsnet and ChannelMum.com) show that more than 90% of moms admit to feeling lonely after the birth of their children. He could be forgiven for thinking that with so many of us choosing to have children later in life, it would be a time of satisfaction, fulfillment, joy, and gratitude. We have planned our lives, our careers, our homes and we choose the optimal time for the growth of our family.

Certainly, we are bombarded with enough images of perfect happy families on social media, magazines, and television. However, the reality is often very different and rarely refers to the degree of loneliness and the new mother.

In fact, 60% of women try to hide their bad mood and feelings of loneliness. Feeling depressed, lonely, or vulnerable can make us feel conflicted and determined not to reveal how bad we feel, especially if everyone we meet seems to be living the dream.

In addition, a quarter of families with young children, approximately 2 million, are being raised by a single father, usually the mother. Being alone, perhaps away from family, without a supportive partner, can further exacerbate feelings of isolation. Or having moved away from home can result in loneliness after delivery. 35% feel the loss of close relationships and immediate social networks, often without knowing their new neighbors.

Of course, there are also many additional factors to consider.

– The effect of hormones It is often forgotten, but pregnancy wreaks havoc on a woman’s hormonal balance, sometimes long after the baby is born. In addition, a newborn child carries a lot of additional responsibility, often compounded once the first few weeks of support have subsided.

– When one has been a professional, a businesswoman in control. it is disconcerting to find yourself overwhelmed and desperate, lost and unable to cope, feeling helplessly “I can’t do this.” Remember that even if you feel it, you are not the only one experiencing these emotions. Be kind to yourself, allow others to help you, get professional support, and give yourself time to heal.

– it can be hard accept how completely your life has changed. Yes, it is possible that you really wanted to have a child, you thought about the implications and impact that a child would have on your life, but the reality is that living it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the week, it is often very different. It may be your responsibility to get up regularly in the middle of the night because your baby is crying or needs to feed. There may be guilt or a feeling of obligation to do everything and do it right because now you are not bearing the main financial burden and you go to work every day. Motherhood is your role now.

– Appreciate that the baby has brought a sudden and massive change to your identity and role in life.. Instead of pursuing your career, making decisions, solving challenges, and enjoying stimulating conversations, your life is now more ambiguous, dictated in large part by a tiny and demanding human. Allow yourself to regret your old life a little. This total transformation may have been an unexpected revelation, leaving him in limbo, adrift with no warning as to what was really involved.

– Once the relentless tiredness, Lack of encouragement and the frequency of being alone has established itself in you may face a bleak and lonely reality. 26% of young mothers report leaving the house once a week or less, with some leaving only once a month (Young Women’s Trust). This can greatly affect your confidence and self-esteem. The concern about knowing how to be a good parent, as well as dealing with the noticeable changes in your body, your appearance, the effect on your financial freedom, the very different conversations you now have with your partner, can all be a lot with you. to reconcile. post-baby.

– The idea of ​​leaving home. makes many new mothers apprehensive. Logistics alone can be overwhelming. Carrying a baby requires many things. Loading and unloading a car or using public transportation can be a slow process and if the baby gets nervous it is even worse, it becomes annoying and embarrassing. 73% of mothers report experiencing rude or unpleasant behavior and changing the facilities in public toilets or feeding their children can be difficult.

– financial concerns they are an important factor in a new mother’s world. Even when money has been discussed and budgets have been agreed, many new moms hate spending money on nonessentials, like coffees, lunches, or personal items like a new lipstick. Lack of cash is a factor that makes 40% of mothers feel lonely. Babies are not cheap and the concern that three people can now live on a salary, even temporarily, can further reinforce a new mother’s decision not to socialize when it involves spending money, pushing her into further isolation.

– Just invite other moms for coffee., you may not feel comfortable as the home is unlikely to be as tidy as it was before the baby. Wanting to be a good hostess, while maintaining quality standards, can discourage sending invitations. Being too tired, feeling like it’s too much effort, and having little interesting conversation to offer can discourage feelings of sociability, resulting in increased isolation and loneliness.

Gently, gently may be the way to move into your new role. Frequent places other new moms go; the park, soft play areas, leisure centers and, little by little, make friends with those who are alone. Smile and find some initial common ground. Swap phone numbers so you can stay in touch, chat, and maybe meet up for coffee. Find a local ‘open house’ group of babies or children. Negotiate some time each week to spend with people your age; At first, it can be difficult to leave your baby, but it is important to keep some of your own identity. Find ways to reduce your loneliness.