Give yourself PERMISSION to be what you want to be; do what you want to do, become who you are meant to be.

We limit our self-expression when we ask other people for permission to be who we are meant to be.

Take responsibility and take a RISK. That is the power of PERMISSION.

RISK means Respecting your Intent by using Support and Kourage to get you where you want to go.

Every day there are dozens of distractions, excuses, and cop-outs that keep us from doing what we want to do. The little inner voice that says you really should; you absolutely could; And you must, swallow the doubts, fears and refusals to heed the call to action.

Being able to STOP this merry-go-round of endless demands and limitations means, first of all, giving yourself PERMISSION to say NO! This sets boundaries that honor and respect you.

We are too quick to say YES and often we actually mean NO. It is the smallest word in our vocabulary, and yet the impact is enormous. We say maybe when we mean NO. We do not mean to offend when we say YES and mean NO. We are afraid of someone’s reaction and we say YES. We want to keep everyone happy, not upset the status quo and end up feeling resentful and frustrated because the people in our lives just don’t understand that we’re working too hard for their pleasure.

NO is one of the most powerful words in the English language. It allows you to defend yourself. Stand up with integrity. Fight for what you believe. It gives you the power. It sets your boundaries and gives you a feeling of self worth. It does not mean that you are taking care of yourself.

Saying NO when you are in a confrontation is a very powerful thing. You’re in charge. You are not giving up your power. You are being I am Power (ed).

You are also not a powerful example for your children if you have any. You model giving them PERMISSION. They grow up understanding that limits exist and that they can set them. You are the role model for your children. Giving yourself PERMISSION is the first step in creating the life you want by loving yourself first.

The damage caused by refusing to say NO is evident in the depression that manifests itself in women’s lives.

It is estimated that 17 percent of the US population (5 to 12 percent of men and 10 to 20 percent of women) will experience a major depressive episode at least once in their lifetime.

In North America, women are 1.7 to 3.0 times more likely than men to experience depression during their lifetime, with one in four women likely to experience severe depression.

The causes of depression in women are not primarily biological (as previously believed), but have a variety of biological, social, and psychological origins. For example, infertility, miscarriages, and surgical menopause can cause depressive symptoms in women. Mothers of young children tend to be highly vulnerable to depression; in fact, the more children a woman has, the more likely she is to become depressed.

Study conducted at MIT 2000

Amanda was depressed for months and didn’t know it. Every time there was a confrontation with her husband, who was a demanding man, she wanted to say NO to her but she would swallow her word because he was afraid that he would leave her. She one day found herself on the closet floor crying, ripping apart a silk blouse she treasured, having no idea how depressed she was.

She found help, and as she explored her feelings, resentment and frustration were at the core. She felt that no one respected who she was. In fact, she was sure no one saw her for who she was. But what was difficult for Amanda was that she didn’t realize that everything she did depended on the PERMISSION of other people. She always asked if she was okay before making the first move.

Getting Amanda to overcome this obstacle was the key to helping her with her depression. Eventually she would say NO to her husband’s demands and he didn’t walk away and more importantly allowed her children to see her as someone who could make a decision that was good for her. She gave herself the respect that she needed.

One of the biggest problems in my own life is control. I’m sure there are many of you reading this who can relate. Relinquishing that control means saying NO to myself and letting other people take over the responsibilities. The problem for me was feeling like no one did the job as well as I did! You identify? Women know this syndrome very well. The opposite side of the coin was that I complained that I was doing too much. Because I didn’t delegate responsibilities enough, I said YES when I should have said NO. This became apparent during a big move from Amsterdam to New York.

In the middle of moving from a house in Amsterdam to an apartment in New York, I told myself that I had done enough with packing and organizing our household things. I spent two months of night and day activity making sure boxes were packed properly, extra furniture and household items were sold or given away, and the family was well taken care of. In fact, I considered throwing a Thanksgiving dinner for friends the night before we moved! Speaking of crazy!

I had just finished a conversation with my coach about how well I had done putting everything together and that even though I was exhausted, it felt good to have all the pieces in place. I told him that my husband was busy working on his wine collection and that he knew it was none of my business. He had already done enough. He could find out for himself. Well, within an hour he had completely forgotten what he had said to her and to myself.

I was having trouble fitting a case into a cardboard box because it was too small. I could not avoid it. He asked me if I would help him and I said YES.

I went down to the basement with a box and it was too small so I went back upstairs to find something bigger and as I walked down the narrow wooden Dutch stairs with the empty box in my hands my feet slipped. Now, I am trained in martial arts and I know how I am supposed to land, but stairs are an aggressive enemy and I was not spared here. What came next was not a pretty sight and I landed heavily. When the bruising started my butt looked like it had a huge black barcode on my right cheek and I swear you could have walked me through the supermarket checkout and found a price. An extremely high price.

I was in control? It was his job, not mine! I didn’t listen! Every part of me was screaming NO! It’s been a year since that accident and I haven’t fully recovered, but I learned the hard way that you control what’s yours and leave others to their own.

Setting boundaries and honoring our feelings is part of giving yourself PERMISSION to live the life you want. We all have people in our lives who push our boundaries, but mostly it’s because we let them. We ignore or suppress our feelings and don’t let them know when it’s inappropriate. We do it in our business, in our home and with our friends.

When we are clear about what suits us, we honor who we are. Let’s take care of our spirit and our body. We begin to feel good about what we do in the world and what we are to ourselves. We live a life full of integrity.

Giving ourselves PERMISSION to get out of the box is fundamental to making changes in our lives. You know you will meet opposition. Any change is a threat to those who are used to things being a certain way, including yourself.

Be willing to step out of your comfort zone. Give yourself PERMISSION to take the next step. Take ACTION that meets your needs. Honor who you are. You’ve been playing it safe for too long and it’s time to get up and dance.

When you were a child you knew how to have fun. you still do. Did you know that children laugh out loud an average of 44 times a day? Adults laugh out loud at 4 or 5. Hmm! We are missing something here.

Give yourself permission to live the life you want to live. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and move toward the dreams and goals you desire.

Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what happened. –Proverb

Give yourself PERMISSION each day to:

say no more often

Talk to your loved ones about what is important to you

learn something new

honor your feelings

Set boundaries with the people in your life

Take care of your body

Give up some control and delegate responsibility

have more fun

read more books

laugh more often

“The thing I hate the most… is asking for permission to do things. What you really want to do is say, ‘This is my need, this is what’s going to take me further, this is what’s going to be alive.'” never say, ‘Do you mind if?’ I just go in and do it.”
lance henryson

Your life is full of PASSION

How do you give yourself PERMISSION?

In what way do you deny yourself PERMISSION?

How can you make it different?