One of the main reasons why most people do not achieve their ultimate goals and dreams in life is because they are not emotionally and psychologically prepared to handle the loneliness and isolation that is required to evolve to the next level of success. When friends call and beg you to go to the movies, eat something, or hang out at your favorite club, you’ll be forced to decide whether or not spending time with them is the best use of your time, given that you have 2 exams and a research paper due within a week. Most of us will make the wrong decision many times before doing our best to achieve our goals.

I’m going to tell you a secret. When you are in between stages of evolving to your next level of success, that is when your family and friends are most likely to isolate you. You are psychologically in a cocoon. Listen carefully so that you understand what is happening to you. There are many habits from your old lifestyle that you must break before you can move to the next level. For example, if you frequently partyed into the wee hours of the morning, drank too much alcohol, or had too many sexual partners, these clothes may prevent you from focusing on your academic or career goals with the degree of intensity required to be successful.

Like most people, you will initially have to struggle with the “old you” and the “new you” that is trying to emerge. Instead of turning down your friend’s invitations to go out, you’ll say yes and wake up the next morning thinking, “Why the hell did I go out last night?” Now, people who are already where you want to be won’t find it appealing to become friends with you yet. These people are serious. They are much further along on their journey to success. They are not interested in people or activities that prevent them from reaching their goals. When you become one of them psychologically, you will find the door of new friendships opening to welcome you. It’s not so much that these people are your friends, per say; it’s just that they share the same psyche of interests and experiences and will be able to relate and discuss issues of importance to others.

Here are some points to ponder when trying to maintain friendships on the path to achieving your dreams:

1. True friendships never die, they may seem to fade during periods of significant change, but remember that this is a necessary transition stage to give you the space you need to grow. A true friendship will stand the test of time as you adjust to your new role in life. Don’t let anyone’s perception of who you should be and how you should act stop you from making the changes necessary to make your dreams come true.

2. When you reconnect with your old friends, it will never be the same again. Friendship will keep the most important roots that will unite you, such as being able to share your most intimate secrets or play poker. The love will remain pure, but you will enjoy your time together and apart.

3. As women, we tell too much of our personal, intimate, and private affairs to other women. We talk about the size and shape of our partner’s penis, how often we have sex, every detail of our conversations with our lovers, and how much we hate our bodies within days of meeting. I know that as a psychologist, female brains are biologically wired to share secrets and gossip, but in order to compete in the business arena, we must learn to separate our personal lives from our professional lives. Maintaining an emotional distance from others will allow us to get along much better as acquaintances and business partners. I can’t count the times I shouldn’t have exposed my underbelly when trying to fit in or meeting a new acquaintance.

4. Loyalty, honesty, trust and favor take time to develop in any relationship and friendship is no exception to the rule. Don’t make the mistake of expecting too much of a friendship too soon. A shared interest in yoga, book club, or salsa dancing doesn’t mean this person should be trusted with the key to her house or know the intimate details of her new romance. When you share personal information with the wrong person, you’re giving them ammunition to make it harder to achieve your goals.

5. Be aware of the fact that the interests that make you and your friends “friends” also have the potential to make you and your friend mortal enemies. Friends generally find the same type of guy attractive, enjoy the same taste in clothes, and have similar interests or professional abilities. Let’s say, for example, that you and his friend meet the same great guy at the same time, but he chooses his friend over you. They get married, have children, and live happily ever after in la la land. Can you really be happy for her? If you are truly happy with your life and who you are, you could be happy for your friend; otherwise, he may experience feelings of jealousy and insecurity. If both you and your friend apply to graduate school and your friend is accepted and you are rejected, this will have an impact on your friendship.

6. Sometimes friends inadvertently sabotage your success. Some people believe that if you want to lose weight and develop an exercise routine, it’s best to become friends with a friend. I personally think this is a big mistake. If you start to lose weight and your friend doesn’t, she may start to discourage you from exercising by suggesting other activities. If your friend isn’t doing well in school, they may use creative ways to distract you from studying. Unfortunately, if your friend is having trouble maintaining or attracting a loving relationship, he or she may do and say negative things to undermine your relationship with your partner.

7. Friends may feel awkward in friendship when roles are switched; if you go from being the ugly, dumb, or fat friend, your friend may feel uncomfortable. If your friend has always been the one to attract male attention and you suddenly become the “pretty” one, believe me, this change will have an impact on the friendship. If the friendship is true, your friend will adapt and your bond will grow even stronger.

8. Beware of friends who are envious or jealous of your ambition and success. I found that most people are unaware of their insecurities or motives for destroying you and ultimately the friendship. But remember that on your way to success, you will unintentionally leave people behind. As you grow and evolve, many people will become insecure in their relationship with you. Your friends don’t know what their role is or where they fit into your new life and in many cases this insecurity will cause them to do and say things that will hurt you, in a twisted effort to save the friendship.

9. Don’t be afraid to let go of friends and family who cannot accept and respect the person you have now become. You will find friends from your past who will only want to talk about the good times, when you were drunk, broke, heartbroken and depressed. You will know them because they will often say, ‘remember when…’ No matter how much it hurts, you must eliminate the people in your life who refuse to see not only the old you, but the new you as well. A former best friend told me, “Sandy, who do you think you are? You’re just a poor black girl from Detroit with a GED who thinks she’s someone. I can’t wait for you to see that.” You’re nobody special and you know your place in life.”

10. Your friends, buddies, the people you hang out with or whatever you want to call them, are the truest reflection of who you are and what you think of yourself. If you surround yourself with people who are not trustworthy, it is because you feel that you deserve their friendship. You don’t choose your family, but you sure do choose your friends. The most important thing is to take a deep and soulful look at yourself. Would you like yourself as a friend? Do you tell secrets that your friends ask you not to tell? Do you flirt with your friends’ husbands or boyfriends? Deep down, are you jealous of your friend’s success or happiness? You have to be a true friend to have a true friend. Know yourself. If you are not happy and sure of who you are, it will be very difficult for you to find a true friendship.

11. An honest, loyal and true friend is a person who is happy with himself, self-confident and has extremely high self-esteem. People who live their dreams and are true to their vocation are the best of friends.

12. Lastly, my brother General George always says (and I agree with him) that people always reveal their knife before stabbing you in the back. Listen and pay close attention to what your friends are saying and doing. If he is betraying another friend, this is an indicator that he will betray you too. It is very rare that we are surprised by someone’s behavior.

13. Sometimes the universe, life, or God (whatever concept resonates with your spirit) will isolate you from other people to allow you to focus on your life purpose. What may be perceived as jealousy or disagreements are actually “spiritual events” used to remove social and emotional distractions from your life. In the purest and deepest spiritual sense, it is no one’s fault when relationships dissolve. Your friend can no longer accompany you on your journey to success. They’re not meant to go where you go, but that doesn’t mean they were never meant to be a part of your life and what you ultimately become as a person. Always stay positive and wish them the best.