When children don’t get their way, they often react emotionally. Parents must often remain firm not only to avoid a dangerous option for a child but also to teach the character the quality of being content, being happy with what you have instead of always wanting more. But there must be a way for children to attract parents. When children learn a wise appeal, they will use it to gracefully challenge authority at home and outside the home. The idea comes from the Bible.

The wise call is illustrated in the Scriptures in the lives of Daniel, Esther, and Nehemiah, who had to go to an authority to present a difficult situation. Daniel went to the administrator and proposed an alternative to the king’s plan. He didn’t just complain or become defiant. He looked for a way to bring about change. His success was due, in part, to the way he placed the order for him. He acknowledged the official’s concern and proposed an alternative trial period to test his plan. The officer appreciated Daniel’s request and the result was that God used the trial period to reveal something new to the officer. (Daniel 1:8-16)

Wise pleading is a godly alternative to whining, nagging, and arguing, but to use it, it is important that the child be able to accept a negative response. Smart appeal is not just another manipulative tool to make parents change their minds. Sometimes the answer is still no.

When you take the time to teach and practice wise appeal in family life, you help your children develop a tool that they will use outside of the home. After all, people young and old regularly find themselves in a position that requires them to appeal to an authority.

This is what the sage appeal could look like and how you could teach it to your children even when they are preschoolers, but surely as they are in their teens.

When a child wants to challenge a decision or try to reverse a response to a request, you might want to use a smart appeal that looks like this:

I understand that you want me to do it… because…

I have a problem with that because…

So could you please…

The first sentence helps the child identify with the parents’ concerns and needs. When parents feel understood, they are more likely to listen to alternatives, negotiate, or compromise. It’s interesting how a respectful beginning of a wise plea often melts away a parent’s resistance. When a child expresses parental concern in a way that communicates true understanding, parents are encouraged.

The second sentence helps the parent understand the child’s situation and the reason for the argument. It also helps children to articulate their problem instead of complaining about things. In the third sentence, the child offers a creative solution that addresses both mom or dad’s objections and the child’s concerns.

You can tell your seven-year-old, “It’s time to clean up the playroom now. We have errands to run.” If you just got involved in your train game, you might say, “I understand you want me to clean up because we have to go out; outside until we get home?”

As soon as you realize you’ve spent time setting up your train, you may be willing to change your mind. His idea tells you that he is ready to run errands with you and wants to play when he gets back. You may find that it is a perfectly acceptable alternative. In fact, many so-called wise men reveal solutions that are acceptable to parents because they now have more information. One parent said, “I like the smart appeal because sometimes my daughter shares a solution that is better than mine. She would have suggested it in the first place if she had thought of it.” Wise appeal often brings more information to the table and creates a good compromise.

On the other hand, maybe you know the company is coming later and you can’t have a train track across the entire arcade floor, so you have to stick to your original plan. A child in this situation needs to be able to take “no” for an answer. A child who is unable to accept “no” without throwing a tantrum is not ready to use wise appeal and should forfeit it as a privilege.

Some children may try to use the sage call in a manipulative way or may not be mature enough to handle it. However, a child may try to use the wise appeal to stop doing a job altogether. That is unacceptable. Wise appeal results in a contract between father and son. This contract requires trust and when a child demonstrates responsibility, the child earns the privilege of more trust. Sometimes it is even useful to write down the conclusion so there is no arguing about what was decided.

Children learn that the wise appeal is not a magic formula. They don’t always get what they want, but it often works to compromise and change the mind of an authority figure. It’s just a tool, but a great one in the hands of a person willing to use it.

A boy appealed to his coach to let him play third base. The coach kept him in the outfield for the rest of the game, but put him at third base the next game, partly because of the appeal but also partly because the kid had a good attitude when he didn’t do what he wanted. . far. He had learned the wise appeal at home and had practiced it for years.

Wise appeal teaches children that they don’t have to be victims in life. Instead, they can be instruments for change. Many people do not like the position they are in and resort to complaining. Others look for solutions in life. Smart appeal is a tool that can help kids realize they have recourse when things don’t go their way.

If you want your child to change the world or solve problems, home is a great place to learn skills and practice them. An appeal teaches children how to compromise, think about the needs of others, communicate and negotiate. Unfortunately, many children do not learn these skills and see themselves as victims under the control of others. The wise appeal empowers children to take ownership of their own unhappiness and do something about it.

By teaching wise appeal, you teach children an adult skill they can use forever.